Stepping Stones: a path to healing after the loss of a child

Five Art Exhibit in Lancaster, PA

2012-01-06T09:38:00.003-05:00

If you are within driving distance, join us for a community reception at the Mulberry Art Studios in Lancaster, Pennsylvania January 15 from 1-4 for the art exhibit Five. Stephanie organized this to honor her daughter, Madeline, who would have turned five this week.

All of the artists are parents who have had a child die. My husband is one of the participating artists with a sketch he did of me.

You can see a newsclip by clicking here.

You can read more about the Five art exhibit and Stephanie's Sweet Pea Project by clicking here.

2012-01-04T11:36:00.003-05:00

Dr. Joanne Cacciatore from the MISS Foundation has said it so well on her blog.

MISS Foundation families were shocked to hear the comments issued from Alan Colmes on Fox News on January 2, 2012. Mr. Colmes’ reference to Mr. Santorum's baby who died, and his desire to spend time with the baby's body during the postmortem period, as "crazy"

If you are as disturbed by this event as I am click here to read Joanne's complete post.

((hugs))

2011-12-24T23:58:00.004-05:00

Reminded over and over again today that I should have an almost 10 year old. Holidays are hard. ((hugs to all of us)) and Merry Christmas

From Stephanie over at Sweet Pea Project
In keeping with the spirit of giving, Sweet Pea Project will light a candle at the five art exhibit for the first 100 parents who make a request on Christmas Day, no donation necessary. To request a candle please email your child's name to Stephanie@sweetpeaproject.org with the word Candle as the subject. We are unable to take requests any other way, so please do not reply to this post or send a message via facebook. For more info on the candles, please visit www.sweetpeaproject.org/five/candle. Thank you for allowing us the privilege of honoring your child.

2011-12-21T09:58:00.003-05:00

The Duggars have gotten such negative feedback about the photos of their stillborn daughter, Jubilee. I wanted to post this well written piece from someone who 'gets it.'

Do you have photos of your child? We have a few hastily snapped polaroids that the hospital nurse took. I do not display them, but am glad I have them. I wish I had thought or knew to take some that would be easier to look at, like a photo of me holding his hand. You do the best you can at the time.

Christmas Card Exchange

2011-12-12T14:42:00.002-05:00

Does anyone want to participate in a Christmas Card exchange? If you would like to, please email me at nick wilberg at hotmail dot com with your name (how you'd like the envelope addressed) and address and your baby's name. I'll take names until Saturday, Dec. 17, and then send the list out to all participants.

((hugs))
emily

Christmas Cards

2011-12-09T09:43:00.002-05:00

Do you do something special with your Christmas cards to include your baby? I have seen cards with baby angels on them, and I know some people include their baby's name in their signature or stamp it with a special stamp (a little star or heart) to include their child. What do you do?

2011-12-09T09:40:00.002-05:00

Sending ((hugs)) to the Duggar Family who lost baby Jubilee this week during the second trimester.

2011-12-05T12:32:00.002-05:00

Stephanie at the Sweet Pea Project has a lot going on over there. One thing she invited all to participate in is the 'community expressions wall' during the five art exhibit.

Here is the info:
In January 2012 Stephanie Paige Cole's newest art exhibit, five, will open at Mulberry Art Studios. Te exhibit features Stephanie's work as well as pieces from many other talented artists, all bereaved parents themselves. And we would like to invite you to participate as well, by creating a simple piece for our community expression wall.

You do not need to have an artistic talent to participate, all you need is your love for your child, your honesty, and a piece of paper.

The community expression wall will consist of the honest expressions of the hearts of individuals from across the globe. It is my hope that it will give non-bereaved guests a glimpse into our experience. If you would like to contribute, please read the instructions below. For full details about this exhibit please visit www.sweetpeaproject.org/five.

Submission Instructions for Community Expressions Wall
On a 3x5 index card, respond to one of the following:
1. How are you, really?
2. This is my love
3. This is my grief
Children may participate by drawing pictures on 3x5 sized paper

You may answer with words or pictures using any materials you wish. It can be as simple as a single word written in sharpie or as elaborate as your imagination allows. You may send in multiple submissions.

All submissions must be 3x5. Mail your piece(s) to us at Sweet Pea Project PO Box 10351 Lancaster, PA 17605. If you would like your piece(s) returned to you at the end of the exhibit, please be sure to write your name on the back and include a self-addressed, stamped envelope.

Submissions must be recieved by January 1st, or delivered to the gallery in person on January 15th during the reception.

Thank you so very much for sharing yourself with us.

Thanksgiving

2011-11-21T15:29:00.000-05:00

I hope you have a gentle week. Thanksgiving can be tough. I'm reposting my last year's post below.

If you haven't yet submitted your Aloha Remembered request and would like to do so you can still squeak it in today.

((hugs))
emily

I know this is a difficult time of year. We are supposed to be THANKFUL, which can be dang hard when you are missing your baby. You are maybe surrounded by family and it is obvious your baby is missing. And maybe there are cousins or other kids there the age your child ought to be. And family members who may or may not be the most sensitive types giving advice on how to get over it or what you should be doing.

Yep. A hard time of year.

Someone shared an idea with me that I thought was brilliant.

She said when the family is sitting around the table they have a toast to remember family members who are not there with them.

Amazing.

It can have different meanings to different people, and it is something I can do without wondering if anyone thinks I'm bonkers.

Is there anything you do on Thanksgiving to remember your child?

Wishing you gentle days-
peace-
emily

Aloha Remembered- your baby's name in the sand

2011-11-02T11:38:00.004-04:00

Aloha means hello, goodbye, love, peace, compassion and mercy- A perfect word for the many emotions a mom feels who has had too short a time with her baby.

My sister wrote Gabriel's name in the sand of a beach close to her home on the North Shore of Hawaii. It is a beach set aside as a ‘quiet place of reflection’. It seems so suitable to me that it is not a permanent thing, but rather, just like Gabriel, it is here for just a minute and then gone. But for a brief moment, the world is a little different because of him.

For the next few weeks we will be accepting names for our Aloha Remembered project. You can request your baby's name by clicking the link and checking out through the sidebar. Please put your baby's name in the 'notes'.http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

Please submit your request by NOVEMBER 20. We are going to be charging for this service so that we will able to donate from the proceeds. Thanks for letting us do this for you.

peace-
emily

Dia de los Muertos

2011-10-26T14:52:00.006-04:00

I've never thought much or done much about Day of the Dead (it's not real big in Maryland!) but wanted to share this excerpt from the book I'm currently reading, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver (she and her family decided to spend a year eating local foods only.. very interesting book but a little preachy)

Anyway, about Day of the Dead Kingsolver writes:
"Dia de los Muertos is still an entirely happy ritual of remembering one's departed loved ones, welcoming them into the living room by means of altars covered with photographs and other treasured things that bring memory into the present. Families also visit cemeteries to dress up the graves. I've seen plots adorned not just with flowers but also seashells, coins, toys, the Blessed Virgin, cigarettes, and tequila bottles.(To get everybody back, you do what you have to do.) Then the family members set out a picnic, often directly on top of a grave, and share reminiscences about the full cast of the beloved dead, whether lured in by the flowers or the tequila, and it's the best party of the year. Food is the center of this occasion, especially aromatic dishes that are felt to nourish spiritual presence...

Anthropologists who write about this holiday always seem surprised by how pleasant the festivals are, despite the obvious connections with morbidity. Most modern lives include very few days penciled onto the calendar for talking and thinking about people we miss because they've died. Death is a gulf we rarely broach, must less celebrate joyfully. By coincidence... a different, ancient non-Christian holiday from northern Europe is also celebrated at the same time of year. That one is called Hallowe'en and reinforces an opposite tradition, characterizing death as horrifying and grotesque. Far be it from me to critique an opportunity to dress up and beg free candy, but I prefer Dia de los Muertos. It's not at all spooky. It's funny and friendly...

I'm drawn to this celebration, I'm sure, because I live in a culture that allows almost no room for dead people... But I think I understand now. When I cultivate my garden I'm spending time with my grandfather, sometimes recalling deeply buried memories of him, decades after his death.... That's ...a memory space opened before my eyes, which has no name in my language."

Do any of you celebrate Day of the Dead? What are your traditions?

Happy? Halloween

2011-10-26T14:46:00.004-04:00

Is anyone else not crazy about Halloween? I just don't find tombstones/skeletons/zombies that amusing anymore. It makes me shudder that when my oldest daughter was little I dressed her up as a baby angel for her first Halloween. What was I thinking? I can't even look at those photos anymore. And most the skeletons and skull decorations are not full size, so I keep thinking they are exactly child size.

Anyway, just having a kind of weirded out week so thought I'd throw my ramblings out there to see if anyone else is having similar thoughts.

Hope this week is gentle for you-
emily

No right or wrong: part 2

2011-10-10T07:55:00.004-04:00

Whitney asked a question in the comments of that previous post but I wanted to bring it up to the top and ask all of you what you do. Here is her question:

I had a question for you - what do you call Gabriel's birthday? I don't know how to feel about Anna's due date in December, when I know she probably wouldn't have come out that day exactly. But it seems morbid to call her day of birth a birthday, which is supposed to be such a happy party time. Thanks again for writing...Whitney

Whitney, thanks for your question. I also feel kind of funny about using the word "birthday" which to me brings up images of cake, balloons, party hats and little kids running around Chuck E. Cheese.

I know some people use the phrase "angelversary" but I've never been entirely comfortable with using that, I don't know why.

I usually just call May 10 "Gabriel's Day" or more often with my family "Baby Goldbug Day" which was his nickname before he was born. However, on that day we do some of the typical 'birthday' things like getting our family together, going to a special place, having a balloon (which we release) and eating cupcakes.

So, I wanted to ask the rest of you. What do you call the day your baby was born?
Thanks for sharing with us.

Sedona Grief Retreat: Oct 15

2011-09-17T06:47:00.002-04:00

Kara Jones from KotaPress and Dr. Joanne C from MISS are hosting a grief retreat
in Sedona, AZ. I wish so much I was able to attend! Click here for more info.

Sweet Dreams. Little One

2011-07-08T11:24:00.003-04:00

Andrea R asked me to post this beautiful poem she wrote after she miscarried a few days ago. ((hugs)) Andrea. Thank you for sharing this with us.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
peace-
emily

It feels un real, it feels silly.
I never held you. I never saw you.
I never felt you. I didn’t know you.
It's true though.
I miss you. I loved you. I wanted you.
I had no name for you.
I try not to blame me.
You and me, we were 1, you left me.
I’m angry & I’m sorry.
sweet dreams little one.
-Andrea R.

No right or wrong

2011-06-14T12:10:00.006-04:00

In the interest of 'keepin it real' I wanted to tell you about a conversation my husband and I had the week before Gabriel's birthday.

Me: Did you get Gabriel's birthday off from work next week?
Him: When is it?
Me: Really? You don't know when it is?
Him: I try not to think about it. I just can't do that.

Try not to smack your husband when and if this happens to you.

Just because I mark it on the calendar and cautiously anticipate it from the minute the calendar flips around New Years does not mean I am right and he is wrong. We are both right. However you need to be to get through is right for you.

((hugs))
emily

Giveaway

2011-06-06T07:35:00.006-04:00

UPDATE:
Thanks, everyone! Winners picked and items in the mail. Congrats to Michelle and Hilene.

I have a tshirt that I'd like to give away to someone who can use it. It is dark blue and says "Some people only dream of angels. I held one in my arms." It is size 2X. It has never been worn, and I'd like to pass it along to someone.

Also, does anyone have a baby named Emily? I have a bracelet that has the name Emily on it and inside the scripture "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven." ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1" that I'd love to give to someone who would like it

I hope today is gentle for you
peace-
emily

9 years ago today

2011-05-10T09:10:00.002-04:00

Gabriel came into my world for just a short moment. Happy birthday, baby boy.
Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts.
Hope today is gentle for you all.
((hugs))
emily

Mother's Day

2011-05-06T05:36:00.002-04:00

I'm repeating my post from last year. I wish you a gentle weekend. ((hugs)) emily

This was written by Kara Jones. Click over to FaveCraftsBlog to read her whole post click here. You can visit Kara's blogs MotherHenna.com and Kota:Knowing Ourselves Through Art

...They were handing out fliers sharing the writing of Julia Ward Howe, first published in 1870 as a protest against the carnage and violence of the Civil War. This was a protest led by women whose sons had died! Bereaved mothers started this tradition of Mothers Day! In the beginning, this was a day of protest, an expression of horrified grief from bereaved mothers who were parted from their sons!! Wow. Okay. That’s a different spin.

So what did Julia have to say back in 1870? You read and see for yourself:

Arise, then, women of this day! Arise all women who have hearts, whether our baptism be that of water or of fears!

Say firmly: “We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies. Our husbands shall not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause. Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.

We women of one country will be too tender of those of another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs. From the bosom of the devastated earth a voice goes up with our own. It says “Disarm, Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance of justice.”

Blood does not wipe our dishonor nor violence indicate possession. As men have often forsaken the plow and the anvil at the summons of war, let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel. Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.

Let them then solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means whereby the great human family can live in peace, each bearing after their own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar, but of God.

In the name of womanhood and of humanity, I earnestly ask that a general congress of women without limit of nationality may be appointed and held at some place deemed most convenient and at the earliest period consistent with its objects, to promote the alliance of the different nationalities, the amicable settlement of international questions, the great and general interests of peace.

Julia Ward Howe
Boston
1870

Mothers Day came as an answer to Julia’s proclamation. It started as a ceremony of bereavement and then as a movement for peace and action to stop the senseless deaths of children everywhere. Our society can commercialize all they want. Because in my heart of hearts I know the real meaning of this day came from pain, loss, and grief — the same things I am prone to feel on any given Mothers Day. And from now on, when people urge me to celebrate the day, I tell them this:

I’ll celebrate with you if you will first mourn with me. It is the combination of the two that lends itself to the true meaning of Mothers Day!

This week

2011-05-03T08:45:00.001-04:00

Today starts my least favorite week of the year- Mothers Day and Gabriel's birthday. I woke up so tense and my entire body aches. There are such physical symptoms associated with grief! I am going to really try to practice relaxation techniques this week and try to avoid unnecessary stress. And I think I'll start by unfriending my husband's aunt on facebook who feels the need to come to my wall and start spouting politics. And by scheduling a massage.

Prayer

2011-05-03T08:39:00.003-04:00

I have noticed a difference in how I pray after the death of Gabriel. I no longer feel I can ask for things specifically. I do not feel I can pray for situations to be resolved or for things to work out how I want. Instead, I find that I pray that I am given the strength to deal with whatever the situation is. Just another way my son has changed me.

Heaven is For Real: Book Review

2011-03-14T14:44:00.003-04:00

Ok, this one is pretty religiousy, needfully so. But there's one part I want to tell you about.

My mom had told me about this book and then I saw it at the house I was babysitting at last night. I skimmed and skipped most of it. I wanted to get to a particular point.

This little boy nearly dies and later talks about his 'visit to heaven.'. He told his parents that he 'has 2 sisters.' (You know he has one.) He said that when he was visiting in heaven a little girl ran up and told him she is his sister. She said she didn't have a name yet because the parents had not named her. Turns out his mother had a miscarriage she had not told her son about, and they had not named her. They didn't know it was a girl.

I know so many people have such different beliefs, and I don't know about this little boy and his visit to heaven, but I do think our babies are waiting for us.

((hugs))
emily

The Big Ball Project

2011-03-09T09:23:00.002-05:00

This is something different than child loss, but a good cause I think so I'm posting it here for your consideration.

My cousin's kids have started a project called The Big Ball Project. They love soccer and there was a book with photos of kids around the world playing soccer. The kids in Africa did not have a ball- just a bundle of rags. Turns out it costs just $10 to send a ball and a pump to a kid who wants to play. Balls have been sent to Rwanda, Costa Rica and Marakkesh.

For the next 72 hours, they have a donor who will give $1 for every person who 'likes' The Big Ball Project on facebook. Can you take a minute to pop over there and do that?

And if you'd like to donate, just $10 can send a ball and a pump. I will do this this year for part of Gabriel's birthday present.

Wishing you a gentle day,
((hugs))
emily

Congrats, winners!

2011-02-21T17:50:00.002-05:00

Ok, drumroll please..

The winners are:

For the sugar cookies: Natasha (aidensmom)
For the book Still.: Janice Copp
For the banner: Trena (raindrops)
For the Target giftcard: Karen Pal.

Thanks to everyone who entered- I've emailed the winners to send me their addresses.
Hope today is gentle for you-
emily

Giveaway! Feb 13-20 ENTER NOW

2011-02-09T12:55:00.012-05:00

I thought I'd sweeten things up with a giveaway this week! Thanks to everyone who donated items. To enter, just leave a comment below (and an email where you can be reached.) For extra entries you can repost on Facebook or link from your blog. You can also respond to my newsletter. You can enter through Sunday midnight 2/20/2011 and winners will be announced Monday. Good luck, peeps!

Brittanie from Snickey Snacks has donated a $20 GIFT CARD to her site. If you are a local (Frederick or Montgomery County, MD area) you can use it how you like. If you live further afield that means some delicious SUGAR COOKIES are coming your way! I don't know what design but I can attest they are the perfect thing for a sweet treat.

Stephanie from Sweet Pea Project has donated a copy of her BOOK Still. Click over to her site to read more about this touching book. Please note that this prize will ship directly to the winner the first week of March.

My sweet sister who does the Aloha Remembered sand name photos for is donating a cute FABRIC BANNER to us. This is not a photo of the actual banner- I'm having photo difficulties. It is similar style to this, colors yet unknown.

And lastly, but not leastly, I will donate a $25 TARGET GIFTCARD (it probably will not be this rockin' peacock design but it spends the same.)

GOOD LUCK!

Two Quick Things

2011-02-08T14:41:00.003-05:00

First- if you are anywhere near Lancaster, PA take a peek at this- a FREE event at a gorgeous location with an amazing woman. Check it out.

Second- it has been WAY TOO LONG so I think we better have a giveaway! Come back Monday to enter. I have some goodies I've been holding on to so you won't want to miss it. If you have something you'd like to donate email me at nick wilberg at hotmail dot com

The Magic Quilt Project

2011-01-14T06:57:00.005-05:00

"Be the comfort you want to see in the world"

Debbie at the Magic Quilt Project has a wonderful thing going. You can click here to read all about it but the idea is that you can send material that is stitched into a quilt. These quilts are then sent to people who need comfort. Kind of a worldwide hug.

I had sent some material in memory of my Gabriel. You can read that story here. And then that beautiful quilt that it was stitched into was sent to a friend of our family, Stan. My sister in law Amanda (on the left) delivered it to him. You can read more about his story in this post and this post. (I'm on the right. My sister Laura who takes the Aloha Remembered photos for us is in the middle)

Please take a minute and pop over here to read about Crash's nephew Matthew who died 12 years ago after living 12 hours. Those photos are so special- I see the love in his parent's faces. ((Hugs)) to Mathew's mommy, Melanie. And ((hugs)) to Amy, the first recipient of one of the Magic Baby quilts.

Now Crash has asked that those of us who have lost children to "join hands with the rest of us to soften the blow for others who are experiencing the same loss."

If you'd like to send flannel to her Magic Quilt Project it will be stitched into quilt blocks along with other quilt blocks honoring "other children who have finished their earthly journey." Your babies name, birth and death date will appear in the corner of his/her block.

Click here to visit the Magic Quilt blog to get more information about sending fabric.

((hugs))
emily

Word of the Year 2011 FOCUS

2011-01-10T20:26:00.004-05:00

I've been such a slacker. I feel muddled, confused, unorganized, sluggish. I have really been considering what I want and how I want to get there but I feel like I'm in a constant state of playing catch up and can't get ahead.

So, I've decided that this year my 'word of the year' is FOCUS

I want to FOCUS on what is important
I want to FOCUS my energy and efforts where they will do the most good
I want to FOCUS on doing one thing at a time and doing it well instead of doing a million things incompletely

Instead of making 'resolutions' I have my 'bucket list' and will choose several things off of there to do this year. Things I am meaning to get to 'someday'. Well, 'someday' is now.

I'm working on a giveaway for February. If you would like to donate an item for the giveaway in exchange for a link to your site, let me know. Do you make jewelry? Do you have a book? Email me at nickwilberg at hotmail dot com.

peace-
emily

If you are driving distance from Delaware...

2010-12-21T20:22:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure I'm able to make it to this but what a wonderful event!

Saturday, January 22, 2011 · 3:00pm - 6:00pm

Newark Arts Alliance, 276 East Main Street, Newark, DE 19711

Join authors and artists Janel Atlas, Nina Bennett, Angie Yingst, and Stephanie Paige Cole for an afternoon of making and sharing art, both visual and literary. All who have been impacted by the death of a baby at any time during pregnancy or infancy are welcome. Participants will choose among several guided workshop sessions and get to take their creations home.

Pre-register by January 12 and pay just $12, or pay $15 at the door; tickets cover materials and light refreshments. To register, e-mail Janelatlas@gmail.com or call 302.737.6088.

2010-12-08T20:27:00.000-05:00

"If you know someone who has lost a child, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died--you're not reminding them. They didn't forget they died. What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that is a great gift." -Elizabeth Edwards.

2 December Memorial Events

2010-12-01T12:09:00.002-05:00

There are 2 special dates in early December- I'm going to repost my posts from this time last year (These photos were taken at the Angel statue outside of St. Louis, MO)

The story behind this angel statue is told in the book "The Christmas Box" by Richard Paul Evans. In the book a grieving woman mourns the loss of her child at an angel statue in a Salt Lake cemetary. There have since been over 80 Christmas box angel statues placed around the United States. They are dedicated as places of love and healing for all those who have lost children. Many of them have candlelight vigil ceremonies around this time of year. It is customary to leave a white flower behind. If you look closely at the angel statue there is the word 'hope' hidden in her wing.

To check if there is an angel statue near you, visit the site Christmas box angel locations

AND
National Children's Memorial Day happens every year on the second Sunday of December and is observed internationally to honor the 80,000 children who die each year. Families around the world light candles at 7 p.m. in their corresponding time zones. As candles burn down in one time zone, they are lighted in the next, creating a 24-hour wave of light that encircles the globe. This remembrance ceremony provides the world with lit candles for an entire 24 hour period in order to honor the children we have lost, the children who lived and died, and who, even in death, continue to matter.

This year National Children's Memorial Day will be held December 14th

Thanksgiving

2010-11-19T21:18:00.003-05:00

I know this is a difficult time of year. We are supposed to be THANKFUL, which can be dang hard when you are missing your baby. You are maybe surrounded by family and it is obvious your baby is missing. And maybe there are cousins or other kids there the age your child ought to be. And family members who may or may not be the most sensitive types giving advice on how to get over it or what you should be doing.

Yep. A hard time of year.

Someone shared an idea with me that I thought was brilliant.

She said when the family is sitting around the table they have a toast to remember family members who are not there with them.

Amazing.

It can have different meanings to different people, and it is something I can do without wondering if anyone thinks I'm bonkers.

Is there anything you do on Thanksgiving to remember your child?

Wishing you gentle days-
peace-
emily

From Audra, William John's mom

2010-11-07T15:43:00.001-05:00

Audra sent me this email and gave me permission to post it here for you all. I think she expresses so many things I feel myself. Thanks for sharing, Audra.

Hi Emily!
Martha from St Killian's RC Church send the link to your site. I was
looking at your site and thought I'd share with you the things that
were the most difficult for me after our loss. First off, I'll tell
you that we lost our son William John died shortly after birth Jan 16,
2007. We found out at our 20 week ultrasound in Sept of 2006 that he
had a fatal kidney anomaly. It was heartbreaking. I feel so thankful
that we had any time wIth him at all and feel strongly that I am a
better person for having had William in my life. People don't get
that. It is a hushed subject - never to be spoken of. I agree with
something I read on your site - people, in general act as though I'm
doing something terrible to them when I speak of my son. That makes
me so sad because I really think of his short life as a blessing.

The things that were the most difficult for me:
I have two older children, both boys, then William, then a girl and
finally a boy. After I had my daughter many people (those that knew
about William) said things like "Now you got your girl". I felt it
was really discounting my precious son (not to mention the older
boys). I felt like telling people how happy we were to have a healthy
child and that really, truly I did not care about gender. I tried to
do this without being too preachy:-)

While I was pregnant but knew how sick our son was, many people asked
about my pregnancy, not knowing that our son was dying. It never
seemed like the right time to tell such people. I mean, if I was
never going to see them again then it was easy - I said nothing about
the matter (it was too painful) simply answered their questions. "We
are having a boy." "Yes, 3 boys" "My due date is February 10."
etc. But when I knew I'd be seeing people again it got tricky. How
was I supposed to answer someone casually asking about my pregnancy at
my son's kindergarten Halloween party? or at a soccer game? It just
never seemed like the right time. And so I went the remainder of my
pregnancy with none of these acquaintances knowing about our dear baby
boy's illness. It was easier with my younger son's pre-school class.
The teacher made an announcement to the parents as they picked up
their children on the day I was induced. But my older son was bused
to kindergarten. It was terribly painful to have people asking to see
my baby weeks after he had passed. I'm sure you can imagine the
reactions I got when I told people that our son had passed away. Some
people thought they has misheard me. There were quite a few stares
and, contrary to popular belief, I did notice when people were
pointing at me and whispering. I got through it though. I felt then,
as I do now that my precious son was with me. My desire has been to
respond with love and show people that if they see me as a kind,
patient person, it is in large part, because of the love I feel for my
son - what a better person I am for having known him!

As you may know, my greatest wish is that people would talk about my
son more often. I want to tell them "Please stop saying that I have 4
Kids. I have 5!" I don't want him to be forgotten.

Things that have helped me:
Something that really helped me was writing thank you notes to the
many wonderful people that helped support us as we carried, met, and
buried our son (You'll notice I used the term "we carried" that is
because my husband, an amazing man, truly carried William with me and
his loss/ grief is as deep as my own). I also sent lunch for the
nurses at the hospital on his due date - they were amazing and I
really wanted them to feel William's birth as a positive experience -
one in which they shared.

I also gave several talks on infant loss including 2 to nurses at the
hospital at which I delivered. I had pictures of William which I
shared. I see people that were at my talks semi-regularly and there
is a special connection that is there.

I also do small acts of kindness that I dedicate in my heart to my
beloved son.

Great job on the web site! It is so wonderful what you are doing.
I'm praying that the women that need your site find it and realize
that they are not alone.

Audra

Prayers

2010-11-07T11:08:00.003-05:00

One of the biggest changes in myself I've noticed is how I pray. I don't feel like I'm able to ask for specific things any more. Like, instead of "Please help me get a job" I find myself praying "Please help me to be ok with whatever comes".

I'm not sure I've shared this experience here, but I'd like to do so now. The week before my doctor's appointment had been crazy busy. My inlaws were expected and I was worrying about a bunch of stuff that was very important to me at the time (like, do I have a bath mat that matches my shower curtain?)

And, I don't know if anyone else does this, but I pray a lot in the car, while I'm driving. I guess because it is some of the only 'quiet time' I get.

So, I was kind of worried. I didn't 'feel pregnant' anymore. I didn't think I was as big as I thought I had been (in fact, I wasn't. Gabriel had died and my amniotic fluid was very low).

So, I was doing one of my 'driving while praying'. I remember trying to figure out if I should call my doctor and try to get in to see him sooner, but then thinking about how that was going to mess up my weekend and the upcoming visit with the inlaws.

I decided I was going to just wait until my appointment, and 'not worry until they tell me there is something to worry about.'

And I had a clear answer. The thought came to my mind very clearly that "Everything is going to be ok. And if it is not ok, that is ok, too".

I found a list I had made around that time of things I wanted to accomplish and goals I had. Everything from "find a way to quit my job and stay home with the kids", "better relationship with my husband", "attend church more regularly", and "lose weight". There were maybe 10 things on that list. After Gabriel died I realized that every single thing on that list was brought about by Gabriel's short life and then his death.

Be careful what you wish for.

This is a conversation I will have someday with my Heavenly Father.
me: "Really? Was that the only way to get my attention and accomplish those things?"

I can be thankful for the growth, if not for the way it came about.

Anyway, these are my musings on this Sunday morning.
I wish you peace and gentle days
-emily

Spreading awareness

2010-10-14T10:24:00.002-04:00

Julie C just emailed me a suggestion- to change your facebook photo to a candle or awareness ribbon for tomorrow, Oct. 15. How awesome is that? As a matter of fact I'm going to go do that right now.

Thanks, Julie!

I'd love to hear what else you all are doing to spread awareness- such creativity and good works going on in memory of our little ones. ;0)

Hope today is gentle for you!
peace-
emily

October Newsletter 2010

2010-10-14T10:22:00.001-04:00

...The Congress, by Senate Joint Resolution 314, has designated the month of October, as "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month" and authorized and requested the President to issue a proclamation in observance of this month.

NOW, THEREFORE, I RONALD REAGAN, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim the month of October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I call upon the people of the United States to observe this month with appropriate programs, ceremonies, and activities...

(taken from the 1988 Presidential Proclaimation)

With all the publicity and marketing of Breast Cancer Awareness, it is not really a shocker to me that people are unaware it is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. We are overlooked. At times I feel I have way too much 'awareness' of this topic, but I do know too well that the silence surrounding my baby's death is often the hardest part of it to take. The fact that it is taboo to talk about it. Like we are morbid or obsessed if we mention our child's name.

There is a school of thought that "Pregnancy and Infant Loss" is an offensive term. That it is used by medical personnel to give distance to the fact that it was a baby that died, NOT a pregnancy that was lost. I do see that point. But I'm not sure I have an opinion on this topic. As long as people are TALKING about it, I'm not so concerned about the 'phraseology'. I debated a long time about naming my site 'PregnancyLossRibbons.com' for just this reason, but decided ultimately that I wanted people to be able to find me and this is the most common term in use currently. Call it whatever you need to- there is no wrong way to grieve.

So how to spread awareness? Well, sometimes I am stronger than other times. Sometimes I have more energy for this, and other times I am using all my energy to just get myself out of bed in the morning. But I do have some easy suggestions, if you find yourself with the desire to do something. Wear a pink & blue ribbon. Do a kindness project and leave a note explaining it was done in your baby's memory. Particiate in a memory walk or balloon release. Write or call your tv station, radio station or newspaper. Put a cling on your car window. Tie a pink and blue ribbon around your tree or doorknob. Use pink and blue tape on your envelopes when you mail your bills this month. Donate some rubber band bracelets to your doctor's office or hospital. And do not feel guilty that you did not do more.

Another thing you can participate in (and invite others to particiate in) is the Wave of Light being held this Friday, October 15th at 7 p.m. If we all light our candles at 7 pm our time zone we will have a continuous wave of light around the world.

2010-09-14T20:07:00.001-04:00

I had an email from Jess, sharing her stepping stones with us. Thanks for letting me post this, Jess!! ((hugs))

The thing that was the most helpful for me has been meeting other women through Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope or from reading there blogs. And also from starting my own blog. With my first miscarriage (my second was 2 weeks ago and my first was 2/11/10) I did not want to be judged so I kept quiet like unfortunately most women do.

What was the most difficult was going through my second D & C - I cried from the minute I entered the pre-surgery area. People kept asking why I was so upset. I thought it should be rather obvious! The second which was the reason why I was so quiet the first time was people's reactions when I told them I had a miscarriage. They looked horrified! I was so offended. I am the one going through this not them - how dare they look offended because of my pain! I still can't get over that. Now I have a blog and I could care less. If it bothers them then they better not talk to me (lol) because these are my children and I will talk about them whenever I want to! The Sunday before Oct. 15th I am singing "I will carry you" by Selah at church and putting up a powerpoint of the words with the dates of my angels and the date of pregnancy loss awareness day. I am praying that nothing happens that will upset me. I mean I am SURE I will cry when I am done with the song (hopefully not during though) but I hope no one acts appalled.

"My hands are full"

2010-09-01T06:50:00.005-04:00

We recently took a roadtrip down to Florida and did all the things you do in Florida-get sunburned, eat oranges, go to the beach, Disney, and snorkeling. It was a good trip. I was thinking about Gabriel a ton because it was nearly identical to the trip we had planned (and ended up taking) 2 weeks after Gabriel was stillborn. I felt a little like he was looking over my shoulder.

Now, let me tell you for a second about my kids. I have 2 older ones who are now in their teens. They were 3-4 when Gabriel died. And we waited years after his death before I could bear to think about trying again. And so there is a 8 year gap before my younger 2. I think it is fitting that hole is in my family. Because there IS a hole in my family.

People often comment on my kids. Either the "Oh, 2 boys and 2 girls- perfect!" which of course isn't perfect, there is supposed to be 3 boys. OR they ask about the 8 year gap. I usually just smile and thank them.

But I had a conversation with a lady that started kind of differently. I think that is why it caught me off guard, kind of.

Lady: "So, are these all your kids or are you babysitting or something?"
Me: "They are all mine"
Lady: "Wow!"
Me: "Yep" (they were running like lunatics through the parking lot at the Wild Bird Rescue Center)
Lady: "You sure have your hands full"
Me: "Well, that is better than having my hands empty"

Just kidding. That's what I wished I had said. What I actually said was,
Me: "Yep, in the best way possible"

Not a day goes by I still don't miss my little boy.
I hope today is gentle for you
peace-
emily

If you're in the Lancaster, PA area

2010-09-01T06:46:00.002-04:00

A few events hosted by Stephanie over at the Sweet Pea Project

Sweet Pea Project Plans Events for National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month October is National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month, and Sweet Pea Project has planned two events to raise awareness in the community and offer support to those who have suffered the profound and permanent loss of a child. Sweet Pea Project kicks off the month with Kids Cookie Creation Station, a three day long family-friendly event to be held as part of Downtown Lancaster's Art Walk at Mulberry Art Studios. This "decorate your own cookie" event is a great way to have some creative and delicious fun while supporting an important cause. Cookies are $2 a piece and 100% of the proceeds benefit Sweet Pea Project. Event hours are: Friday, October 1st from 5pm until 8pm; Saturday, October 2nd from 10am until 6pm and Sunday, October 3rd from 11am until 5pm. Mulberry Art Studios is located at 21 North Mulberry Street, Lancaster. More information is available online at www.sweetpeaproject.org/cookie

On October 15, Sweet Pea Project invites families who have lost a baby to gather together for the First Annual Balloon Release in observance of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. The Balloon Release will take place in the grassy field in front of the amphitheater at Long's Park in Lancaster. The Sweet Pea Project team will be handing out balloons from 5pm until 5:45pm and the balloons will be released promptly at 6pm. Attendees are encouraged to arrive early and personalize their balloons. 100% compostable seed paper will be provided for family members to write notes to their child. The notes will be inserted into the balloons so that when the balloon bursts, the notes will be reclaimed by the earth and sprout wildflowers. Sweet Pea Project has taken precautions to make sure that this is an eco-friendly event. For this reason, no balloons other than Sweet Pea Project issued balloons will be permitted. Biodegradable balloons will be provided for free. There is no cost for this event and no registration is required. This event has inspired bereaved parents to plan similar gatherings across the world, including two in Australia. More information is available at www.sweetpeaproject.org/balloon

Sweet Pea Project is a local organization that offers comfort, support and gentle guidance to families who have experienced the death of a child before, during or shortly after birth. Sweet Pea Project was founded in January 2009 by Stephanie Cole, whose own daughter Madeline was stillborn in January 2007. Through her work at the project, Stephanie honors her daughter's short but precious life while reaching out to other bereaved parents. Sweet Pea Project has recently filed paperwork to become a federally recognized nonprofit and now includes board members Beth Gauthier, Nicole Spadea Jackson and Simone L. Lee. To learn more about how Sweet Pea Project is working to create a more compassionate community, please visit www.sweetpeaproject.org.

Sweet Pea Project is very grateful for all the support that they have received from the community. Kids Cookie Creation Station is sponsored in part by Mulberry Art Studios, Baby's Silkie and La Terra Bakery. Sweet Pea Project's First Annual Balloon Release is sponsored in part by Baby's Silkie, Charles F. Snyder Funeral Home and a private donation by Madeline Cole's great-grandparents, John and Marie Gallagher.

Patches the Bear

2010-07-28T09:38:00.005-04:00

I had a visit from sweet Patches the Bear. You can read more about his adventures on his blog www.patchesthebear.blogspot.com

I appreciated him dropping in, because all of my siblings and their kids were here- 16 cousins in all. I liked that Patches could represent my Gabriel.

((hugs)) to all
emily

To the Fathers

2010-06-20T01:55:00.003-04:00

I wish you a peaceful and gentle father's day. We know you try to be strong for us; we appreciate the love and support you give us. We hope that today is gentle for you. We love you. ((hugs)) to the dads out there missing their kids.

For all of us Mothers-

2010-05-07T08:53:00.006-04:00

“The moment a child is (conceived and) born,
the mother is also (conceived and) born.
She never existed before.
The woman existed, but the mother, never.
A mother is something absolutely new.”

Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
(Indian Spiritual leader, 1931-1990)

I added the (conceived and)

The moment you find out you are pregnant you start loving and making plans for your child. You ARE a mom- I'm so sorry you child is not with you today.

I'm wishing all of you a gentle and peaceful Mother's Day

peace-
emily

True History of Mother's Day

2010-05-07T08:46:00.004-04:00

I'm lifting this from Kara Jones post over at FaveCraftsBlog- to read her whole post click here. And if you have a few minutes, visit Kara's blogs MotherHenna.com and Kota:Knowing Ourselves Through Art

...They were handing out fliers sharing the writing of Julia Ward Howe, first published in 1870 as a protest against the carnage and violence of the Civil War. This was a protest led by women whose sons had died! Bereaved mothers started this tradition of Mothers Day! In the beginning, this was a day of protest, an expression of horrified grief from bereaved mothers who were parted from their sons!! Wow. Okay. That’s a different spin.

So what did Julia have to say back in 1870? You read and see for yourself:

Arise, then, women of this day! Arise all women who have hearts, whether our baptism be that of water or of fears!

Say firmly: “We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies. Our husbands shall not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause. Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.

We women of one country will be too tender of those of another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs. From the bosom of the devastated earth a voice goes up with our own. It says “Disarm, Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance of justice.”

Blood does not wipe our dishonor nor violence indicate possession. As men have often forsaken the plow and the anvil at the summons of war, let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel. Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.

Let them then solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means whereby the great human family can live in peace, each bearing after their own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar, but of God.

In the name of womanhood and of humanity, I earnestly ask that a general congress of women without limit of nationality may be appointed and held at some place deemed most convenient and at the earliest period consistent with its objects, to promote the alliance of the different nationalities, the amicable settlement of international questions, the great and general interests of peace.

Julia Ward Howe
Boston
1870

Mothers Day came as an answer to Julia’s proclamation. It started as a ceremony of bereavement and then as a movement for peace and action to stop the senseless deaths of children everywhere. Our society can commercialize all they want. Because in my heart of hearts I know the real meaning of this day came from pain, loss, and grief — the same things I am prone to feel on any given Mothers Day. And from now on, when people urge me to celebrate the day, I tell them this:

I’ll celebrate with you if you will first mourn with me. It is the combination of the two that lends itself to the true meaning of Mothers Day!

Shakespeare's Hamnet

2010-05-01T18:04:00.006-04:00

I found out something interesting. Did you know Shakespeare had a son, Hamnet, who died at age 11? Shakespeare had been writing comedies, but switched to writing his great tragedies in the years following his son's death. Within a few years, he wrote Hamlet. Really adds a whole new twist to the 'To be, or not to be' speech, doesn't it?

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action. - Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.

and, from King Lear, where he recognizes his daughter is dead:
No, no, no life!
Why should a dog, a horse, a rat, have life,
And thou no breath at all? Thou'lt come no more,
Never, never, never, never, never!

Cards for Mother's Day

2010-04-02T09:13:00.002-04:00

I know Mother's Day can be tough for those of us missing our children, especially if is your only child who has died. I'd like to send a card to anyone who would like one. Please email your snail mail address to me at emily wilberg at gmail dot com.

((hugs)
peace!
emily

Good Works and Creativity- April newsletter

2010-04-02T09:09:00.002-04:00

If I had a single flower for every time I think about you,
I could walk forever in my garden. ~Attributed to Claudia Ghandi

Chance is always powerful, let your hook always be cast;
in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish.
~Ovid

Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you. ~Maori Proverb

Have I really not sent an email for almost 3 months! Oh, my. Sorry about that.

I have a hard time in the spring. It is beautiful, with all the trees in bloom and little shoots of hopeful flowers peeking out of the mud. But the change in temperature reminds me that it will soon be May. Gabriel was stillborn the week of Mother's Day. I feel myself wanting to curl up in a ball and go to bed.

And so, I try to look outside of myself. To motivate myself to do some good in the world. At least for the weeks leading up to Gabriel's day I try to give to others. On his day itself I allow myself to shut down and make it all about me, but for the next few weeks I try to give.

I have heard the idea of creating our children's legacy. The idea that our kids are not here to create their own legacies themselves, so we have the responsibility to do it for them. By our kindness projects and acts of service.

I am always amazed by the generosity and creativity of grieving moms. That in the midst of their grief, they are able to reach out and help someone else. Way to go, moms! Your kids are proud of you.

There is no way to list all of the good works going on out there, but let me just highlight a few. Click their links to find out more info. If you have a project you are doing, I'd love to hear about it- send me the information and I'll post it on my blog.

Stephanie has the Sweet Pea Project, in memory of her daughter Madeline. She collects blankets to donate to hospitals.

Kathryn at Expectant Hearts blog has her project, Something for Seth, where she is collecting onesies, socks and pillowcases to donate to her hospital. They just remembered Seth's 2nd birthday, but it is my understanding this is an ongoing project.

Lisa's Waterfall Angels started in memory of her son Jasper. I love the gorgeous photo she did for Gabriel.

Lea's Angel Wings memorial boutique, in memory of her son Nicholas. I love the photo of Gabriel's wings she sent me.

The on-going project of my sister and I: Aloha Remembered. If you'd like your child's name written in the sand in Hawaii we'd love to do this for you. We do charge a small amount and then donate from the profits.

And I know many of you participate in March of Dimes in memory of your children. Send me your link and I'll post it on my blog.

((Hugs)) to all moms missing their children today.
peace-
emily

Something for Seth

2010-03-19T08:04:00.006-04:00

Kathryn from Expectant Hearts is doing a project in honor of Seth's 2 year birthday coming up March 27. Please click on over and find out how you can help her out. She is collecting items for their hospital PICU and needs all types of stuff. They can be new or gently used. Her email is kathryn.bonnett@gmail.com to contact her to get a mail to address.

I continue to be amazed by the strength, and generosity of grieving moms. What a wonderful way to remember her boy.

((hugs))
peace!
Emily

Lisa Leonard necklace giveaway TODAY

2010-03-16T13:20:00.003-04:00

Run right over and CLICK HERE to enter to win one of these beautiful'marked by love' necklaces. While you're over there take a look at all her other gorgeous jewelry. GOOD LUCK!

Save the date: April 23, 2010

2010-03-01T09:10:00.008-05:00

I wanted to throw this out there for any of you close enough to participate:

Share of Lancaster is having their 4th Annual Benefit Dinner & Auction: A Creative Exploration of Grief
Friday, April 23, 2010
6 p.m. - 10 p.m.

The keynote speaker is one of my very favorite people Kara Jones, of Mother Henna and KotaPress Very early in my grief journey I discovered her blogs and her ideas on Continued parenting. I am thrilled I'll be able to meet her in person.

This event is being hosted at Mulberry Art Studios in Lancaster. I happen to know that is code to say that Stephanie Cole of the Sweet Pea Project is involved in this as well. Another one of my all time favorite folks.

It is a benefit dinner and the cost of $50 includes buffet dinner. For more information or for an invite, e-mail shannon_zimmerman@comcast.net.

If you think you'll be going, send me an email. I'll be attending by myself and would love to meet up with any of ya'll

peace-
emily

Waterfall Angels

2010-02-22T07:56:00.004-05:00

I love this site- what gorgeous photos and what a wonderful idea. I am constantly amazed by the creativity and generosity of fellow angel moms. ((hugs)) to us all.

Kindness

2010-02-09T09:27:00.002-05:00

Megan sent me this gorgeous photo of Gabriel's name written in the snow- such a surprise to find this in my inbox. THANK YOU SO MUCH, MEGAN!

The secret club none of us wanted to join

2010-01-21T16:50:00.006-05:00

I know that after Gabriel died it seemed that I was running into pregnant women everywhere. The grocery. Church. Out running errands. And if they weren't pregnant, they often had little kids and babies. Lots of babies. Everywhere I went, seemed like.

I've heard other moms say they felt this way, as well.

What was hard to remember is that often we are also seeing moms who have had babies die. I have heard statistics that indicate that 1 out of 4 pregnancies results in a pregnancy loss. It may be as high as 1 out of 3. Crazy. Unreal.

So why do people not talk about it? Why must grieving moms feel so alone? What if there was a symbol so that we could recognize each other?

A while back I ordered some rubber band bracelets. They are very similar to the yellow 'lance armstrong' bracelets, but with different wording. The white ones say "Remembering Our Babies" and have little footprints. I have heard that dads are wearing these, as well. When it was requested to make smaller ones for siblings I ordered the pink/blue swirl ones that say "Remembering" with footprints.

I sell these bracelets on my site.

ORIGINAL bracelets are White, and debossed with the words "Remembering Our Babies". They also have a small baby feet symbol. These are an adult size. They are 8.5 inches measured around the bracelet.

PINK/BLUE SWIRL bracelets are SMALLER youth size for women with small wrists or for siblings. These say REMEMBERING and have the baby feet logo. They are 7.5 inches measured around the bracelet.

These are perfect for support groups, mementos for memory walks, or to use in fundraising. Bulk pricing is available, please email me at nickwilberg@hotmail.com. I try to keep a quantity in stock but may need to reorder depending on demand.

peace-
emily

A Year to Live

2010-01-15T07:45:00.003-05:00

So I started poking around on the wonderful blog at BCelebrated and found this Year to Live. What an eye opener. My word of the year is ACTIVE and I've been trying to get off my butt and do some stuff I want to do. But this takes it to a whole new level.

The idea is that many people, when diagnosed with a terminal illness live life more fully than they ever did before. So you can join the experiment to live 2010 as if it is your last year to live.

Now, I'm not going to quit my job and spend the year at Disney. But I am going to take this as a reminder to savor each day. Hug my family more. Waste less time worrying about my pant size.

To join, click here.

Time for me to go get off the computer and DO SOME GOOD
peace!
Emily

BCelebrated

2010-01-15T07:30:00.007-05:00

I have 2 posts about this site and it is kind of a chicken and egg.. which one do I post first? So read them both together please and save me agonizing over it any more.

Debra emailed me and invited me to check out her site BCelebrated.com It is a site to 'Celebrate your life, now and forever.'

Basically you create a page for yourself. You upload photos, your life story, poems, music. You can enter contacts. When you die your list is contacted and your page is a place for loved ones to come celebrate your life.

I have played around with it just a little bit, but can tell you that although it seems kind of morbid, it is actually very comforting to me.

For one thing, you can write private letters to family members. I love this idea.

You can also put instructions for family to follow after you die. And this important to me. Although I don't like to think about dying, it isn't as scary to me as it maybe once was. I know I'll see Gabriel again and he is waiting for me. But one thing I absolutely want to happen is when I am buried I want Gabriel's ashes buried with me and his name also on my gravestone. So he is always with his mommy.

Debra was kind enough to set up a discount code for us. STONES will give you 75% OFF the membership. You can purchase as many as you like for friends and family. So you get $100 site for only $25.00.

Thanks, Debra!
peace-
emily

Angel Wings Memorial Boutique

2010-01-07T23:31:00.005-05:00

Lea from Angel Wings Memorial Boutique sent me this beautiful photo awhile ago. I absolutely love it. Thank you, Lea!

I want to point you in her direction, if you haven't visited her site already. I'm so touched to see all our children's names.

What a wonderful way to honor the love and memory of her son, Nicholas. And such a beautiful idea to help heal the heart of moms (and dads) missing their children.

peace-
emily

Happy Birthday, Madeline

2010-01-05T14:53:00.001-05:00

Thank you, Stephanie, for sharing this beautiful announcement for your sweet Madeline's birthday. We are remembering her today with you.

Stress to Success

2010-01-05T11:00:00.008-05:00

I'm always glad for a new year and a new chance to start fresh. There is really not a big difference between Dec 31 and Jan 1 yet it feels HUGE! Like when you are kids and playing a game and then someone messes up and yells, "Do-over!" A chance to start everything anew.

I've had this list in my desk for awhile to share with you all. I think this is a good time.

I picked up a magazine Inspiration: Hawaii's Wellness Journal when I was visiting my sister last summer. One article in particular from the July/Aug 2009 issue jumped out at me.

It is called Stress to Success- in Just 31 days and is written by Dr. John F. Demartini. I don't know that much about him or his website but I DO know about lists. I love lists. I love crossing things off lists. It makes me feel so productive. Sometimes I make lists and include things I've already done just so I can cross them off.

Stress-to-Success Secrets
On a daily basis:
1. write and read your goals
2. Clear away your goals obstacles
3. Prioritize your activities
4. Act on top priorities
5. Visualize your success
6. Write and read your affirmations
7. Practice deep breathing and stretching
8. Do selective and collective reading
9. Groom for success
10. Dress for success
11. Love what you do and do what you love
12. Surround yourself with 'succeeders'
13. Drink lots of water
14. Eat light, moderate meals
15. Reduce the 4 'addictors' (I don't know what these are and he doesn't elaborate in the list. I'm going to consider it any addictors. Like diet coke, ha.)
16. Contract and then relax all muscles
17. Help others fulfill their goals
18. Save 5-10 percent of your earnings
19. Write 3 thank you letters
20. Reward yourself for your accomplisments
21. Express feelings of love
22. Hug someone special
23. Clean and organize your environment
24. Eliminate low priority 'unnecessities'
25. Study the subject you'd love to master
26. Spend time in total meditative silence
27. Massage your body or scalp
28. Take a hot bath before retiring
29. Count your blessings with gratitude
30. Get a good night's rest
31. Follow a stress-to-success checklist

I'm going to add one (ok, two) which are pray and read scriptures.
Better go get out of my pjs if I'll be 'dressing for success' today. It is nearly noon.

peace-
emily

Cherish Every Moment Cookbook Project

2010-01-03T19:10:00.006-05:00

I had an email from Candice back in October when we were in the middle of my flooded house situation and spontaneous home remodel. (for more info on that read my post And the Rain Came Down)

She wrote:
hi there, My name is Candice Sonke and I was just looking at your website. My son was born June 7th of this year at 22 weeks gestational age, after 129 days in the hospital we just took him home (in October). He is a miracle. I have since started collecting the stories of others who have spent any amount of time in an NICU, along with a recipe to put together a cook book of hope.

I recently expanded the invitation to parents who have also lost a child due to premature birth. So I ...would like to invite you to also participate. I am in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada and am working along side the IWK foundation to raise money for the Neonatal unit in Halifax NS. I hope you would be interested, feel free to also expand this invite to your family, and friends who may have also been touched by a premature baby.

If you have any questions please contact me by email pink262@hotmail.com or on facebook. I have a facebook page dedicated to premature babies called "Cherish Every Moment".

I look forward to hearing from you.
Candice Sonke

proud mom of Aidan-John Michael Quilty born 22 weeks 1lb 9 oz.

I responded in this way;

I appreciate your invitation to join your project. It sounds wonderful. But I wonder if I really fit- Gabriel had died before he was born, and then we were induced. I don't know if that is exactly the kind of inspirational story you are looking for,it is really kind of a downer. Let me know if you'd still like us to be involved.

and had this kind reply:
You know, every story is important for people to hear, no experience is more important than another. I think that your story while it may not be inspiring in the sense that most people would expect, it may help families to really see how blessed that they have been to have a healthy child. Its really your call, I do have families whose children have passed away sending in there stories for just that reason.

I appreciate Candice including us in her project. If you'd like to share your child's story with her contact her by email on on her facebook group Cherish Every Moment.

Good luck with your cookbook, Candice!

Speaking of recipes, I don't particularly like to cook but for New Years Eve I wanted to do something special for my family. I tried an elaborate recipe for Monkey Bread that used yeast and it was a total failure! Here is my old tried and true recipe (compliments of the good folks over at Pillsbury):

Monkey Bread
2 cans refrigerated biscuits
1/2c sugar
1t cinnamon
1 c brown sugar
3/4 c butter or margarine, melted
1/2 c chopped walnuts and/or raisins if desired

Heat oven to 350. Lightly grease a bundt pan with cooking spray. In large plastic bag mix white sugar and cinnamon. Cut biscuits into quarters, place in bag and shake to coat. Arrange in pan adding raisins and walnuts among biscuit pieces. In small bown, mix brown sugar and butter, pour over all. Bake 28- 32 mintues until golden brown. Cool in pan 10 minutes, turn upside down onto serving plate. Pull apart to serve; serve warm.

Word of the Year

2010-01-03T07:10:00.007-05:00

So.. a few folks have asked me what my word of the year is. I've been thinking on it. I want something that inspires me, I want something that motivates me. I want to get going on my many projects. I want to be healthier, I want to lose 15 pounds. I want to walk a 50 mile stretch of the Appalachian Trail this year. I want to be organized, I want to be involved with my kids and their schools.

So.. I've been tossing it around and I'm going to pick ACTIVE.

from thesaurus.com (I'm combining two entries from there)
Main Entry: active
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: having movement
Synonyms: agile, alert, alive, animated, astir, at work, bold, brisk, bustling, busy, chipper, daring, dashing, determined, diligent, dynamic, eager, effective, efficacious, energetic, engaged, enlivened, enterprising, enthusiastic, eventful, exertive, fireball, flowing, forceful, fresh, frisky, functioning, going, hard-working, high-spirited, impelling, industrious, in force, in play, in process, inventive, keen, lively, mobile, movable, moving, nimble, on the move, operating, operative, perky, persevering, progressive, purposeful, pushing, quick, rapid, ready, resolute, rolling, running, sharp, simmering, speeding, speedy, sprightly, spry, streaming, swarming, traveling, turning, walking, whiz, working, zealous

Don't I want to be that person?

Here is my pep talk in my head:
Get moving!
Get going!
Go do something good today!

Does anyone else find it ironic that it took me a few days to do this?

I'd love to hear what your word is- leave a link below.

peace!
emily

Just Out of Sight

2010-01-03T07:06:00.002-05:00

My mom recently had 10 grandkids at her house on Christmas day. We were talking about how everyone had liked their presents and as we were going through the names she said “And then when Gabriel.. wait.. where did that come from?” Sometimes it feels like he is just around the corner out of sight.

I'm Famous!

2010-01-01T09:45:00.003-05:00

I'm pleased as punch to be Ter's Follower of the Month over on her spankin' new blog With An Angel On My Shoulder- click on over and check it out! Thanks, Ter!

Happy New Year!

2009-12-31T14:22:00.004-05:00

Happy New Year!

I was reading my mom's Woman's World Magazine and came across this gem on page 42. I think it was the current issue; I ripped the page out so can't check it. Sorry for any of you fact checking my blog, lol

Be Good to Yourself!
Feeling like you don't do enough?
You do!
Pushing yourself to do more?
Please don't!
Life isn't only about to-do lists
Every now and then, it should be about wish lists- yours!
What do you want?
What do you need?
Pick something big or small and make it happen.
Everyone deserves to be happy.
Including you!

I like the idea that my New Year's Resolutions can be a WISH LIST instead of a To-Do List.

What's on your list for this year??

Gearing up for New Years

2009-12-28T08:30:00.005-05:00

This week between Christmas and New Years is always a big blur to me. And I'm not a drinker.

It is a lot of nit-picky, clean-up stuff from this last year in preparation for a big fresh new DO-OVER of next year. It is kind of like how every Monday is a fresh start for my diet and exercise program (my program that I don't have.. I keep telling myself I'll start it next Monday.. a day that never comes)but NEW YEARS is HUGE! A brand new chance! To do it, get started with my goals. My chance to get organized, my chance to get my act together and really be where I want to be.

So, in preparation, I'll share a few of my 'inspirational' quotes I've got rolling around in my head.

"Tomorrow is fresh, with no mistakes in it."
— L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables)

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..."
-Dr. Seuss

"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"
-Dr. Seuss

You can’t do EVERYTHING. But you can do SOMETHING.
Helen Keller

15 minutes a day to create something beautiful. We can do so much if we just GET STARTED

Holidays Can Be Tough

2009-12-15T06:46:00.009-05:00

How's everyone doing?

I'm kind of in a funk. It's like I only have 2 speeds- either furiously trying to keep up or totally comatose sleeping for hours.

I'm feeling really unbalanced. Frustrated.

I'm not sure the solution. And I'm not trying to bring you all down. Just sayin.

I know this is a tough time of year for so many. There was an excellent article in the Washington Post last Thursday called Facing the Holidays After Heartbreak. While it dealt with families dealing with both loss and separation (such as divorce) I thought there were some excellent suggestions by the author, Tracy Grant. I'm going to just quote parts of it but you can read the whole article here.

"...navigating the holidays can be exhausting... Finding the balance between the old and the new and keeping old traditions alive while creating new memories is the challenge..."

Cynthia Glass, a clinical social worker has these suggestions for starting traditions:

Honor the empty seat. Put together pictures or sayings about the person who is missing. (This is Emily now- at one workshop I presented a woman told me she sets a place at the table to remember her missing child. One of my favorite suggestions I've ever heard is to have a toast to remember all those family members not at the table with you.)

Create a new tradition, perhaps taking a family walk in the woods. (From Emily: One woman told me her family has started doing a Christmas sunrise picnic at the beach)

Cut back on presents. Shopping can be stressful and overwhelming (Emily: and it is really hard to go out where you will see lots of families with babies or pregnant women. I do a lot of my shopping online to avoid that. I even use a grocery delivery service for groceries if I'm really having a tough time)

Spend time with people who 'get it'. Don't force yourself to be around people who make the holidays harder for you, even if those people are family members. (Emily: yes, yes, totally agree)

Do something spiritual. Not necessarily religious, but something that makes you realize you are part of somthing bigger, something that allows you to connect to art, nature or other people. (Emily: love this)

Realize you aren't alone in needing help. Helping people in a charitable way helps yourself, too. (Emily: I know many people use this opportunity to do donate or do a kindness project in honor of their baby. I've had people tell me they donate to Toys for Tots, food banks, leaving a large tip for a server when going out to eat, making cookies or snacks for the fire house or police station or whatever project speaks to healing your heart.)

The author says that 'sometimes a change of scenery is just what a family needs'. (Emily: I have had people tell me they plan a trip somewhere- the beach, or the mountains. Just someplace different.)

Now, this is me again:
I give you permission to do as much or as little as you can. Ask for help when you need it. Lower your expectations. Cry when you need or want. Take care of yourself. Remember to eat (not just Christmas cookies).

Actually, this is all good advice for me, too.
Hope today is gentle for you.
peace-
emily

December ceremonies- National Children's Memorial Day

2009-11-29T14:04:00.001-05:00

National Children's Memorial Day happens every year on the second Sunday of December and is observed internationally to honor the 80,000 children who die each year. Families around the world light candles at 7 p.m. in their corresponding time zones. As candles burn down in one time zone, they are lighted in the next, creating a 24-hour wave of light that encircles the globe. This remembrance ceremony provides the world with lit candles for an entire 24 hour period in order to honor the children we have lost, the children who lived and died, and who, even in death, continue to matter.

This year National Children's Memorial Day will be held December 13th

December ceremonies- Angel of Hope

2009-11-29T14:00:00.002-05:00

The story behind this angel statue is told in the book "The Christmas Box" by Richard Paul Evans. In the book a grieving woman mourns the loss of her child at an angel statue in a Salt Lake cemetary. There have since been over 80 Christmas box angel statues placed around the United States. They are dedicated as places of love and healing for all those who have lost children. Many of them have candlelight vigil ceremonies around this time of year. It is customary to leave a white flower behind. If you look closely at the angel statue there is the word 'hope' hidden in her wing.

To check if there is an angel statue near you, visit the site Christmas box angel locations

I have several copies of The Christmas Box to give away- if you would like one, please email me at nickwilberg @ hotmail.com.

peace-
emily

Congratulations to our winners!

2009-11-28T07:07:00.003-05:00

Thanks for all your kind comments and emails! I feel so loved ;0)

Congratulations to our lucky winners!
the Mending Invisible Wings journal goes to LeannaR
the Amazon gift card and Willow Tree Angel goes to PamelaW

I've emailed you both.. thanks to everyone for entering.
I've had a few emails asking where to buy the journal- you can find it here

peace-
emily

Last chance!

2009-11-27T14:45:00.004-05:00

Just a reminder today is the last day to enter my giveaway! Just leave a comment and send me an email. You can get more details here

Good luck!

The Importance of Friends

2009-11-23T08:31:00.005-05:00

I've been thinking about this a lot recently. Last weekend I had an old roommate visit (we aren't old, but you know what I mean). I haven't seen her in about 15 years and we had lost touch but recently reconnected on facebook. Anyway, I was making a big deal about having my kids clean up and telling them the schedule of how things were going to go while my friend was here. And my 4yo said it. "I didn't know you had a friend!"

It made me think.
I have sister in laws.
I have visiting teachers.
I have other folks from who come and go from my home.
but no, I really don't have many 'friends' in real life.

And yet, online?
Lots of people I consider 'friends'
They are the first to console me when I'm feeling sad
The first to congratulate me when I've got good news
The first to commiserate with me when I'm stressed or unhappy
They've sent me cards, chocolate, and gifts
They reach out and let me know they care

I do think online friends are real friends. Even though I may never get a chance to sit down with them in real life, we definitely share connections and get involved in each other's lives in a way I don't often do with people in the real world.

And today one of my online friends is hurting.

Some of you may know Yaya. She's awesome. She's funny and real, and she and her husband Josh have been through a lot- pregnancy loss, infertility, the ups and downs of adoption. And today she is hurting a lot. It's not my story to tell, but if you know Yaya, you know she is always reaching out to those of us who need support. And today she could use ours.

Go on over to her blog and send a little love.

((HUGS)) Yaya
Thank you to all my online 'friends'
I hope today is gentle for you.
peace-
emily

Just a reminder to enter my giveaway HERE

Book Review- Mending Invisible Wings Journal

2009-11-20T14:06:00.008-05:00

Because I'm in a giving kind of mood, I'm going to post this little goodie I've been holding on to for awhile.

A while back the author Mary Burgess contacted me about reviewing her book Mending Invisible Wings: a Healing Journal for Mothers. Part of the deal was I would offer it as a giveaway to one of my readers.

I'm sorry I agreed to it. To give it away, I mean. I want to keep it for myself.

This beautiful book is a journal- meant to be interactive as you fill it out and write, draw or paint to express your emotions and (as it says on the back cover) "reclaim your body, your heart and your life". The pages are these lovely thick paper which begs to be filled. Throughout the book are little treasures of images, illustrations, sketches, affirmations, poetry and ceremonies.

This book has a definite earth mother/goddess feel to it so if you are looking for a Christian type of journal this is not it.

So, after holding onto it as long as I possibly could get away with I am ready to send it out in the world to one of you, lucky readers. I've decided to do it in tandem with my other giveaway. (Winners have been chosen- congratulations!)

Good luck!
emily

Giveaway!

2009-11-20T08:19:00.011-05:00

To thank you all and to celebrate my anniversary of my blog I'll be holding a giveaway for the next week. I decided to give some of my favorite things:

You've heard me mention these fondly and often:

Mini snickers! Only I'll send you a full size snickers, lol.

A Willow Tree angel ornament- this one is called Angel's Embrace and is of an angel holding a baby.

and a $25 gift card to Amazon. I buy a lot of books, but you can spend it on whatever you wish.

Thanks! and Good Luck!
peace-
emily
THANKS FOR ENTERING! Congrats to our winner, Pamela!

A Little Crazy!

2009-11-17T10:22:00.004-05:00

So I've posted more in the past ten minutes than in the last 2 months put together. You think to yourself, 'What the heck is that crazy lady over at Stepping Stones up to?'. Well, I'll tell you..

I'm posting back issues of my newsletter, which is something I've meant to do for awhile (and I'm also avoiding opening all these boxes here in real life now that we are finally back in the house after the flood) but I found out something pretty amazing. My first newsletter was a year ago this week. The week before Thanksgiving. How cool is that?

Add to this the fact that I now have 100 followers. How the heck did THAT happen? I'm so humbled that anyone is interested in anything I might have to say. Let alone hundreds. Well, a hundred. and two.

But I bet you WILL be interested in this next thing I'm going to say.

To celebrate this perfect storm of my anniversary of my first newsletter, a year anniversary of my blog and 100 followers... Let's have a giveaway! It's about time, I'm thinking!

So watch here for details coming soon in the next day or so..

peace-
emily

Thanksgiving- November 2008 Newsletter

2009-11-17T10:20:00.001-05:00

Thanksgiving can be a difficult holiday. It is often filled with family dinners, little kids running and babies being passed around for everyone to hold. There is a big empty spot in my hearts and hands as my baby is not here. Even after 6 years, I see the cousins born the same year as Gabriel and watch them getting bigger and thinking about what he should be doing right now.

And it is hard to be told I'm supposed to be feeling THANKFUL.

How do you handle Thanksgiving? If your loss is recent you may want to opt out of the big family dinner. That isn't always possible but you need to do what feels right to you. Maybe dinner can be held at a different house this year, or have it at a different time. Something to make it different than it always is.

One idea I heard that I LOVE is when everyone sits down to dinner have a toast to remember all our family members not sitting at the table with us. BRILLIANT. It is individual to each of us what that means, and can be done while with all family members, including grouchy grandpa or those who don't want to be reminded.

I have started a blog to share ideas on how to learn to live now our lives have a 'new normal'. I'd love your ideas as well. I hope you will visit and let me know how you remember your baby/babies when sending out Christmas cards. It is a question asked often and I'd love to hear your suggestions. I'll also be adding posts I'd love your input with- what type of books were helpful to you, what was the most helpful thing a friend said, etc. This blog is a work in progress and will be getting a makeover in the next few weeks.

I hope you have a gentle Thanksgiving.
peace- emily

Christmas- December 2008 Newsletter

2009-11-17T10:19:00.000-05:00

A Family Time of Year

Many of us celebrate Christmas at this time of year. Some of us celebrate Hanukkah. Or Kwanzaa, or Diwali or Solstice. In any case, this time of year is about FAMILY and it is obvious that the whole family is NOT HERE.

This is the time of year I am most often faced with the "it should be's". Gabriel should be 6 years old- I should be buying him toys and new pjs with cartoon characters on them and taking him to the mall to see Santa. I should be yelling at him to take his dishes to the sink and no, you can't wear that grimey tshirt to visit grandma's house and can he please pick up his shoes- for the millionth time? I should be taking his photo for our Christmas card and helping him do his shopping at the dollar store and decorating gingerbread men and don't lick that icing we all have to use it.

It is not an easy time of year, but several of you have shared ideas about how to include your child in your holidays. Several people mentioned buying special ornaments with their child's name and then sending them to grandparents and other family members. Some of you use a special footprint or angel stamp or punch to include your child in your holiday cards. I like to do a service project in Gabriel's honor. I donate to Toys for Tots, or from the Angel trees found in many stores.

If your loss is more recent you may not have any energy to do any of this. Do not feel bad about that. It might be right for you at this time to just hole up. Do something different Christmas morning. Drive to the beach to watch the sunrise. Go away. Go to church. Light a candle in memory of your baby.

Please come check out my blog. I have been working on it and trying to figure out what it is going to be, what I want it to be. I decided to rename it "Stepping Stones- a path to healing after the loss of a child" There is a wonderful quote I have heard that says "The trick is to make your stepping stones out of stumbling blocks". I want this blog to be a place where we can share our ideas. For those of us who have 'been there' can help support those who are 'there now'. For us to share our 'stepping stones' to healing.

There are so many things I wish someone had told me. How to get my name off baby mailing lists. How to dry up my milk that cruely came in anyway after I was sent home from the hospital without my baby. How painful the innocent question would now be when I was asked "How many kids do you have?" I invite you to stop by and read, or comment. If you have any suggestions of what you wish someone had told you, or what you'd like to tell someone else to help make this path easier I invite you to share it with us.

I am having a giveaway with prizes the week of Christmas- Click on my blog link below to get details about how to enter.

I hope this is a gentle holiday season for us all.

peace- emily

Peaceful New Year- January 2009 Newsletter

2009-11-17T10:17:00.000-05:00

A Peaceful New Year

I'm new at this blogging thing- just about two months. I can't stop reading blogs. It is kind of like reading someone's diary. All these strangers I feel I know. So creative. So real. And they inspire me.

On the blog Tip Junkie there was a post about picking a 'word of the year'. This idea caught my interest. What is my word for this year? There are so many things I wish- Hope, Kindness, Strength. Success. Health.

And then I realized I knew my word already- I sign all my emails, all my posts the same way.

Peace.

I wish it for our country, I wish it for the world, I wish it for my life and heart.

I wish it for all of you. For all of us.

Click below to go on over to my Stepping Stones blog and enter my contest giveaway. It is easy- you just have to sign up as a follower and to get my newsletter. If you are reading this you are already halfway there!

An idea we have been discussing on Stepping Stones is that we need to create our children's legacy, since they are not here to do it themselves. Every March of Dimes, every donation of memory boxes to the hospital, every small act of kindness done in our children's names. That is the legacy we create for them. We can make the world a better place because they existed- if only for a moment.

I hope only good things for all of us this year.

peace- emily

Remembering the Love- February 09 Newsletter

2009-11-17T10:16:00.000-05:00

Oh you got to you got to remember the love,
You know that love is a gift from up above
Share love, give love, spread love
Measure, measure your life in love.

~Rent, Seasons of Love~

I had read this post by Zil on her blog The Three Little Birds some time ago and I keep coming back to it.

I love this idea- to measure a life in love.

If I look back to when Gabriel died, I can see so much love expressed to me and my family. The nurses at the hospital who compassionately stayed with us (or stayed away) depending on what we needed. The memory box given to me at the hospital dontated by an unknown mom who had also lost her baby. Women from church who stopped by with meals. The coworkers at my husband's work who covered for him as he was out for a week.

But this is measuring my life by the love.

What if I measure Gabriel's life by the love?

In his so short life he was only loved- by his mom and dad, his grandmas and grandpas, his siblings, his aunts and uncles and cousins.

So I'm trying to do this- remember the love. Instead of focusing on the pain I felt, the fear, the sadness, the hurt and confusion, I am going to try to remember the love.

I'd like to invite you to pop by and see what we have going on at my Stepping Stones blog. Be sure to enter this week's giveaway- you may even win a little something.

I also wanted to show you LaBelleDame jewelry. These are beautiful pieces with items specifically for miscarriage , stillbirth and infant loss. I will be donating from the proceeds of any sales made when you click through my link.

I hope today is gentle for you.
peace-
Emily

Be Good To Yourself- March 09 Newsletter

2009-11-17T10:15:00.000-05:00

"I do not think that means what you think it means"
Inego Montoyo, from the movie Princess Bride

A good friend of mine told me this year her goal is to 'be good to herself'. Every day she is going to work on treating herself well. I had to laugh, because my first thought of what this means is so the opposite of what she was talking about.

My first thought was about indulging myself- eating a bag of mini snickers bars, drinking diet coke, taking a nap and ordering fast food for dinner so I don't have to cook.

That is NOT being good to myself. I mean, it feels good while I'm stuffing my mouth full of cheap chocolate, but it makes me feel so bad later on when I'm all hyped up on sugar and caffiene and I can't button my pants.

I have always felt that drinking water and exercising were more like punishments. I need to change that mindset. How do I do that? I honestly do not know. I'd love any suggestions.

This is the other quote I've been thinking about:

"You can not do everything at once, but you can do something at once."
Calvin Coolidge

I am going to start small. Do something. One thing. Today. To be good to myself.

I think it is another part of creating our children's legacy- being a person they can be proud of.

I'd like to invite you to pop by and see what we have going on at my Stepping Stones blog. If you'd like. We'd love to have you.

I wanted to show you these bracelets Rose at SHARE is making. Aren't they gorgeous? They are even prettier and more sparkly in real life. All profits go to benefit SHARE and their work supporting bereaved parents.

I also want to tell you about the March Compassion Challenge. The idea behind this is that March 11 marked the tenth birthday anniversary of Kara and Hawk's son, Dakota Jones. They have challenged readers of their Kota Loss & Compassion Blog (and I challenge my blog readers) to do 10 random acts of kindness. I'm doing this in memory of Dakota, in memory of Gabriel, and in memory of all of our babies. If 10 is an overwhelming number, do just 1. One act of kindness in memory of our babies.

Now, if you are newer in the journey or even later in the journey but having a bad day cut yourself some slack! Do what you need to do. For me, I spent the first month in bed watching M*A*S*H reruns. I still have days spent in bed, but they are further and farther between.

I hope today is gentle for you.
peace-
Emily

We Are Not Alone- April 09 Newsletter

2009-11-17T10:14:00.000-05:00

When it seems that our sorrow is too great to be borne, let us think of the great family of the heavy-hearted into which our grief has given us entrance, and inevitably, we will feel about us their arms, their sympathy, their understanding.
- Helen Keller

My sister lives on the windward shore of Hawaii. She and her friend Crash took their children 'fishing'. They get a few nets, a big bucket of water and have a grand old time.

My nephew was walking along, struggling to carry this big bucket of water. And Crash offered to help him. After carrying it a bit she looked inside to see how many fish there were. None. Not a one. So she suggested maybe they could dump out the water and fill it up when they got closer to the fishing spot.

So many people are carrying burdens unnecessarily. Maybe we can help carry their bucket. Or encourage them to dump some of it.

We now belong to this club none of us wanted to join. I'm comforted to know there are people out there who understand. Who share my sorrow. Who can help carry my bucket, or to give me perspective on how to dump some of it. It makes all the difference in the world.

When Gabriel was born, before I was discharged from the hospital, I was given a business card for a grief counselor. I remember turning to my husband and saying "What good does talking about it do?" Now I know. Talking about it is all I can do. Every time I share Gabriel's story, I strengthen my identity as 'Gabriel's mom'.

I spend a lot of time reading other people's stories. On message boards and in books. And I appreciate everyone who reaches out to me. It helps so much to know I'm not alone in all of this. To know that no matter what I'm thinking or feeling it is normal. I'm not crazy. Or if I am, we all are.

I am now on the slippery slope of less than a month to Gabriel's Day. May 10th. Which happens to fall on Mother's Day this year. A double whammy. I hope this next month is gentle for all of us mommies missing our children.

peace-
emily

Mother's Day- May 09 Newsletter

2009-11-17T10:13:00.000-05:00

I am sending this email early.. I think the week before Mother's Day can be so difficult- especially as it has chosen to rain all day and is expected to rain all this week. Anyway, I had planned to send this on Friday but decided some of you may need it early. ((hugs))- emily

I am thinking of all you moms this weekend. All you moms missing your darling babies, and especially those of you without living children. I'm so sorry they are not with you. I hope you get the recognition you deserve. I hope you get flowers, breakfast in bed and some special time to yourself. You are a mom. You love your child as much as any mom and deserve to be recognized.

You might be interested to know that Mother's Day is not just a holiday invented by the card companies to sell more cards. It started as so much more. In 1870, Julia Ward Howe (author of the poem The Battle Hymn of the Republic) was distressed by the devastating effects of the Civil War, and called for a formal recognition of a Mother's Day for Peace. This crusade was taken up by Anna Jarvis, whos mother had been working to improve sanitation through what she called Mother's Work Days. Later, the first Mother's Day was celebrated in 1907 as a 'memorial day for women' in West Virginia. The custom eventually spread to 45 states, and the first national Mother's Day was finally declared in 1914 by President Woodrow Wilson.

It is fitting that on this day that began with mother's mourning their sons we remember ALL mothers- those that have their children with them and those that are missing their children. Happy Mother's Day to all of us.

I wanted to let you know we have restarted our project of taking photos of names written in the sand. Our site has been renamed 'Aloha Remembered'. I love the fact that 'Aloha' is a word with many meanings, including 'hello, goodbye, peace, and love'. All these things I felt and said to my child all at once. We'd love to write your child's name and take a photo for you. We have decided to start charging for this so we can use it as a fundraiser and donate from the proceeds. You can find out more info here.

If you haven't stopped by my Stepping Stones Blog, why not take a peek? I'm not at my absolutely best this week but hope I'll be energized and focused once this week is over and I'm past Gabriel's anniversary. Until that time, you know where to find me. Holed up in my room watching M*A*S*H reruns and eating my way through a bag of mini snickers bars.

peace-
emily

Father's Day and Summertime- June 09 Newsletter

2009-11-17T10:12:00.003-05:00

We can complain because rose bushes have thorns,
or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.
-Abraham Lincoln

Hello, All!

I want to wish a gentle Father's Day to all the dads out there. You know who you are. Most of my readers are women, I suspect. But sometimes the men show up.

Grieving dads have a hard time- they are supposed to be 'strong' and often feel their role is to 'fix stuff'. Yet how do you 'fix it' when a baby dies? Impossible. So they put on their game face and hang tough. And then their wives accuse them of not grieving, or not caring.

It's a tough spot to be in.

Men grieve differently than women. I'm not a man so can't claim to be an expert on this. But I know I grieve differently than my husband. I spend hours online reading message boards and blogs. I make scrapbooks. I wear jewelry in memory of my baby. I cry.

He does none of these things. At least not when I can see them.

But he goes along with my projects. We've done March of Dimes. He designed my logo for my site. He lets me shut down when I need to, he gets the balloons for our balloon releases. He does what he needs to and lets me do what I need to.

So big ((hugs)) to all you dads out there. I hope this weekend is an ok one for you. Go do something manly with a hammer or some sort of power tools. Go golfing. Play some sort of zombie shooting video game. Whatever you want.

If any of you moms want to get a white rubber band bracelet for your husband, there is still time. You'll want to order it by Wednesday to make sure you get it in time. Click this link to order. I'll pop it in the mail asap.

I want to invite you again to visit my Stepping Stones blog. We've been talking about summer movies and how even in the movies babyloss shows up unexpectedly. Has anyone seen UP?

And then I want to tell you about my new project- SendOutCards. When was the last time you sent a greeting card? When was the last time you GOT one? Most of my mail nowadays are bills or credit card come-ons. I remember I used to get cards from my grandma, just for no reason. I've been sending a lot of cards and having a blast. It makes me feel good, and I hope it makes the people I send them to feel good. Click the link and you can get a free account to send a few cards. You can also use it as a fundraiser for your group.

I hope you have a great month, full of summer fun and sunshine.
peace-
emily

Father

2009-11-17T10:12:00.001-05:00

Continued Parenting- July 09 Newsletter

2009-11-17T10:10:00.002-05:00

They are not gone...Who live in the hearts of others.
--Native American Proverb

Happy July to you all!

I first heard the idea of "continued parenting" on my friend Kara's kotapress site. Your parenthood did not end when your child died- rather, it began when he or she was born. You can read her whole article here.

It makes so much sense to me. Granted, we are a 'different kind of parent'. We 'celebrate' angelversaries with balloon releases, we participate in March of Dimes. We have angel gardens and we know why October 15th is special. We do kindness projects and wear memorial jewelry. We are creating our children's legacy since they are not here to do it for themselves.

Kara is also the one who told me about research being done at Tufts University by Dr. Diana Bianchi. With each pregnancy, a woman is given fully functioning white blood cells from her child. Regardless of the outcome of the pregnancy, live or still, full term or miscarried, the mother is left with cells filled with the DNA of the child in her body. Cell that are fully working. Cells that show up first on site of infection or injury. Cells that work in brain even.

Our babies were with us such a short time but changed us forever- emotionally AND physically.

Kara is a grief coach, a talented artist, and a darn nice person. I hope you'll check out her blogs. She is currently accepting registrations for Grief: Finding Our Way group session workshops. They are offered online so you can participate from wherever you are located.

Kota Loss & Compassion Blog
Mother Henna

If you'd like me to write your baby's name in the sand please visit Aloha Remembered. We are currently doing this as a fundraiser to send a percent of the profits to SHARE.

((hugs))
peace-
emily

Parable of the Cracked Pot- August 09 Newsletter

2009-11-17T10:08:00.002-05:00

The Parable of the Cracked Pot

A water bearer in India had two large pots,
one hung on each end of a pole which he carried
across his neck. One of the pots had a crack
in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always
delivered a full portion of water at the end
of the long walk from the stream to the
master's house. The cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master's house.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it
spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream.
"I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."

Why?" asked the bearer.

"What are you ashamed of?"

"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house.

Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."

Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some.

But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side?

That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them.

For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers
to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."

It is funny. I didn't see that ending coming. I was relating to the water carrier- toiling along day after day and only getting half of what he should.

But we are the pot- imperfect, cracked, leaky. We try our best but end with less than we think we should have.

Look around. You may be influencing those around you in spite of your defect. Or quite possibly because of it.

None of us quite know the impact we have on the world.

peace-
emily

I know a lot of you are in the midst of planning awareness events and walks for the fall. Let me know if I can help you! The white "Remembering Our Babies" bracelets are perfect mementos for your event, or can be used as a fundraiser. I also have pins, clings, tshirts, hats and other items at my cafepress site. If there is something you are thinking of but do not see send me an email request.

A kind gesture

2009-11-13T19:09:00.002-05:00

I opened my email today and found this beautiful photo from Holly (caring4carleigh)

How beautiful! I love it. Such a simple thing that means so much- seeing Gabriel's name and knowing that I'm not the only one who remembers him.

Thank you, thank you
((hugs))

From a grieving mom

2009-10-27T20:44:00.003-04:00

I received a very touching email from Holly. She said I could share it with you in the hopes that it may help someone else possibly feeling the same way to know they aren't alone. I appreciate so much her willingness to reach out. ((hugs)) to Holly. We are remembering your baby with you.
peace-
emily

Emily,

I stumbled upon your blog several months ago after I miscarried, and I thank you for putting your thoughts and feelings out there for so many of us looking for something to help us cope. Though every day is still a struggle for me, I find a small amount of comfort knowing I'm not the only one to experience this deep loss and struggle with its aftermath.

The hardest thing for me at this point is that it has been three months since I miscarried, and hardly anyone knows, making me feel as though I have no where to turn for help or comfort. We didn't want to spread the news until we heard a heartbeat. That day never came. My husband's parents and a select few of my girlfriends knew of our pregnancy, and when it ended no one would talk about it. No one called, no one emailed, no one came to our house to check on us. It was as if it never happened. In the weeks that followed a few calls came in. "I just wanted to give you your space, your privacy..." That was the last thing I wanted. I wanted, and still want, someone to tell me they are sorry, that they understand, that they would love to just come over and talk. Anything. I wish the whole dang world knew so I could at least feel like I can show how I feel on the inside, instead of trying to put on a happy face every day. I hate it. I feel like I act my way through every day, holding in my feelings and watching everyone else's lives progress while I feel like I'm at a standstill. Even my husband has moved on and doesn't understand why I still feel so horrible about our loss.

Not only that, but my best friend and I were due at the same time. She is still pregnant and has found out the gender of her baby. She's completely quit talking to me, and right now, as horrible as it feels and sounds, I'm glad. I hate it that she gets what we both wanted, and here I am in agony every day while she paints her nursery and picks out names.

I have finally arranged some counseling that I will begin in November. I have my reservations about talking to a stranger about this, as having a friend or loved one to speak to would be more comfortable. I just don't know any other avenues to take to help myself when no one knows I need the help.

If you can use this for your writing on your blog, please do. There may be a woman out there who is in the exact same situation and doesn't know where to go or what to do next.

Again, thank you for sharing your story.
Sincerely,
Holly

Asking for Help

2009-10-23T10:18:00.003-04:00

This is what I've been thinking on lately. How are you at asking and accepting help? I pretty much stink at it. I just feel that I should be able to do it on my own. People offer "Let me know if there is anything you need" or even "What can I do to help" and I usually tell them I am fine.

I remember that when Gabriel died we were in the hospital for 3 days waiting for him to be born. And (this is really stupid) but I remember worrying because I knew that my lawn needed cut. It was really long to start with and my HOA gets really annoyingly picky about stuff like that. But I think this is a pretty good example, really. I'm sure one of my neighbors would have done it for us in a heartbeat. It is a concrete something that they could have done, if only I had asked.

Now we are going through this situation with our house. It has been 6 weeks and insurance will no longer pay for a hotel since they feel work should be done. But it isn't. Our house is not ready for us to move into. So we are at my mom's house. This is not ideal.

People are asking "What can we do to help?" and it is just so hard. The real answer is come help me clean up after all the construction. Bring me a meal or two. Watch my kids so I can work uninterrupted.

Instead I say "Oh, we're fine! Thanks!"

Why do I do this? Do you do it, too? Why is it so hard to accept help?

edited to add: I'm sorry if this is kind of a pity party. I don't really mean it that way. I do feel fortunate and know that things could be a lot worse. I'm glad it is just STUFF and not health issues or anything like that.

peace-
emily

Grieving the Loss of a Grandchild

2009-10-16T18:46:00.006-04:00

Yesterday my article "Grieving the Loss of a Grandchild" was featured on the site GrandparentsTLC This is a great site that shows grandparents how to use technology to connect with their grandchildren.

I appreciate the chance to talk about how a grandparent can help their child when a grandchild dies. Not so long ago the attitude was that a mom should not see her baby, but instead should forget and have another child as soon as possible to get over the loss. It was a different time, a different generation. And grandparents are in a unique position that they are grieving the loss of their grandchild and also are seeing their child hurting. It's tough.

Click on GrandparentsTLC:Grieving the Loss of a Grandchild and check it out. Thanks to Grandpa Shayne for posting my article.

peace-
emily

Our children

2009-10-15T06:11:00.005-04:00

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, and tonight at 7pm there will be a 'Wave of Light' as families light candles for their babies and place them outside for an hour. It helps so much to know that I am not the only one remembering Gabriel on this day.

I invite you to post below with your baby's name and if you'd like, a message, poem or quote for them.

I know there are many readers who do not or can not post here. If you want me to add your baby's name for you please send me an email at nickwilberg @ hotmail.com

Gabriel Wilberg
May 10, 2002
"a person's a person, no matter how small"
We love you, Gabriel. I know that someday our family will be together again.

October 2009 Newsletter

2009-10-14T12:10:00.003-04:00

I am going to archive my newsletters here on my blog so those who are not signed up to receive them can see what they are all about. (If you'd like to subscribe you can do that on my blog sidebar. I send one email a month and you can unsubscribe at any time)

Intention and awareness are the primary ingredients of existence.
Eidyn Taliesin

"One moment of instantaneous awareness brings more
clarity than a lifetime of contrived meditation. That one
moment of instantaneous awareness introduces us to that
about ourselves that will never change. In this sense,
every moment would be the ultimate meditation, no
matter what the moment may contain."
Candice O'Denver

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
Garrison Keiller

October has been designated as "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month", with October 15 as "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day". And yet, how many people go about with no awareness of this topic at all?

I know that until it happened to me I had no idea that babies sometimes died. With modern medicine and all the prenatal testing available how on earth can something like this occur? Sure, it happened back in the pioneer days and maybe still in third world countries. But here in the US? In 2009? How can it be that nobody talks about this?

And I ask you. How many newspaper articles have you seen this month? How many news features? Magazine articles? Billboards? Emails? Facebook updates? Ah. Well, there you go. Little by little, one by one, we add our voice to those that talk about it.

Those who have never had to deal with this sad topic prefer to go about naively. And I don't blame them. I wish I could. It is a sad subject. But once it happens to you, once you have lost a child, you know there is something sadder still. That your baby will be forgotten. Ignored. That people will pretend that they never existed. And that, for me, is what awareness is about.

Spreading awareness to me is sharing my child. Saying his name. Educating folks that instead of being silent, all they need to say is "I'm so sorry". Awareness month to me is knowing that I am not alone in remembering my boy. Through memory walks, balloon releases, kindness projects and lighting candles others remember him with me.

I invite you to particiate in a 'Wave of Light'. At 7pm your local time light a candle and place it outside for an hour. And know that you are not alone in remembering your child.

I also invite you to stop by my blog and add your baby's name to our list of children we are missing. Together we can help each other not to feel so alone.

((HUGS))
I hope today is gentle for you.
peace-
emily
gabriel's mom

Wave of Light

2009-10-14T06:54:00.003-04:00

Just a reminder that tomorrow, October 15, is designated as 'Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day'. I know WE do not need a special day to remember our babies but it is nice that it is there.

Tomorrow night there is a 'Wave of Light' to be held at 7pm- you are encouraged to light a candle and place it outside for at least an hour. In that way there will be a wave of light throughout the timezones as these candles help remember our children.

Also, tomorrow morning I will have a post here so we all can add our babies names. However did this blog get 90 followers? And yet I know that is the tip of the iceberg for grieving moms. ((HUGS)) to us all.

I hope today is gentle for you-
peace-
emily

PS: Flood update: They tell me I will be back in my home mid next week. Fingers crossed! I promise to be a better blogger when I've got better internet.

Spreading Awareness

2009-09-25T09:42:00.003-04:00

Thanks for all your kind words. I'm sorry I can't visit your blogs right now to respond. My internet here at the hotel isn't the best. But I appreciate your sympathetic words. We are doing well. Tired of living out of a suitcase here, but glad we are all together and healthy.

It is nearly October, which is designated as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. It is often overshadowed because it is also breast cancer awareness month, a worthy cause in itself.

Do you have any ways that you plan to spread awareness? I feel really unprepared. All my items are lost in my boxes that went away when they packed us up after the flood. I should have them back in about a month, I think.

This year I'd really like to send a press release to my local paper. Does anyone have one written they'd like to share with us?

I'd love to hear your ideas. Thanks for sharing them with me.
peace-
emily

And the rain came down

2009-09-19T08:33:00.002-04:00

Ok, it wasn't rain. It was a burst pipe in my upstairs shower. And although we were only out of the house for about 3 hours we came home to find our living room ceiling had fallen to the floor with a little waterfall and soggy soaked carpet on all 3 floors. After spending about 3 hours with a wetvac we decided to call insurance. So glad we did.

The water restoration guys have spent the last week ripping up carpet and opening up drywall to dry the house out. The thermostat currently shows at 98 degrees.

We came to the hotel expecting 5 days. Now it is looking more like 6 weeks. All our stuff is packed up and headed to a storage unit.

It definitely could have been worse. Our family is safe. Our computer, laptop, wii, all safe. But new paint and carpet all around, ba-bee!

So I will try to check back in and post in the next few days. But don't expect to see me at the Lancaster walk- all my awareness items I was going to sell are boxed up somewhere in my basement.

The one thing that I did forget and I feel terrible- I forgot to grab Gabriel's box from my living room bookcase. They packed him. I am so sad about that. I meant to take him when we left that first night but I was distracted and forgot. When I went back he had been packed. I am going over this morning to see if there is any chance to find out which box and liberate him.

Hope you all have safe and healthy weekends. I'll keep you updated.

peace-
emily

Memory Walks

2009-09-10T07:29:00.006-04:00

Every year there are quite a few memory walks held throughout the months of September and October. We try to go to the closest SHARE walk, which is 2 hours away in Lancaster, PA. I don't get there every year because it is always held the last weekend in September, which is my husband's birthday. He doesn't always love to go to memory walks on his birthday.

However, this year we will be there. If you are close, I hope you'll stop by. I'd love to meet you.

I'm always so touched by the candle lighting as our baby's names are read. And by the fact of how NORMAL we all look. You could see the group of us all anywhere- an amusement park, a farmers market, a movie theater. You'd never know we are any different than any other families. But we have all been struck by the lightning of losing a child.

You can find info on the Lancaster, PA walk here
or check the SHARE site for other walks in your area here

Ideas to remember your baby at the holidays

2009-09-04T11:33:00.004-04:00

Tamara emailed me, asking: "This is out first year without Luci and the 1 year anniversary of her death and I wanted to do things differently to find a way to inlcude her and her sister that died in '96. I was wondering what you did different at the holidays if anything after your baby died. Would you be willing to share your ideas with me? Thanks!"

I have heard several wonderful ideas of how to remember our babies at holiday time. And let me say, for me that starts at Thanksgiving. I haven't done all of these. Heck, that first year I was lucky to be out of my pjs and participating at all.

I love the idea to have a toast at dinner to remember all the family members not at the table. How wonderful! It can mean different things to different people.

Some people participate in an angel tree project or toys for tots. Some people make a donation to a charity of their choice.

Some people hang up a stocking with their child's name on it and ask family members to a service or write a note to put in the stocking. These can be read together as a family.

Some people include their baby in their holiday card by using a sticker or stamp that has special significance like a star, an angel or a butterfly.

I'd love to hear your ideas. What will you do?

peace-
emily

Byodo- In Temple

2009-08-23T20:19:00.009-04:00

While I was on Oahu we visited the beautiful Byodo-In Temple in the Valley of the Temples. It was built in the 1960's to commemorate the arrival of the first Japanese immigrant workers in Hawaii. It is a replica of the 950 year old Byodoin Temple outside of Kyoto, Japan. If it looks familiar to you maybe that is because it was used in an episode of Lost.

This gorgeous temple is so peaceful (until the groundskeepers start up the leaf blowers, lol) and I'm very glad I had the opportunity to visit. There are koi, black swans, and this really cool bell to ring before you enter the temple. It is said that ringing this bell brings happiness, blessings and a long life. It was funny to me because a little boy was hanging on the post ringing and ringing the bell- afterwards he told his dad "I'm going to be so so lucky!"

And in the gardens there are these plaques to put the names of loved ones. I saw a baby 'Angel', another one with the same symbol that may be a child "Haruko Mirai" and then Jamil Ma'ema'e Dubie who's plaque said "Kealani Aloha A Me 1999 “Unborn gone without a cry We mourn but go with God now In the Arms of the Angels and ?” I tried and tried to see what the last word was but it was covered by that flower and I didn't want to step in the landscaping. I THINK the last word was 'fly'.

Anyone lucky enough to get to Hawaii should stop in and visit this beautiful, peaceful spot.

Say It With Flowers

2009-08-23T20:08:00.001-04:00

Look at this lovely lovely site!

Scrapbooking Your Baby

2009-08-21T22:14:00.003-04:00

I'm back! Did you miss me?

I had a great trip, and have several ideas for posts I'll be blogging the next week or so. But top priority is something I need your help with.

I had an email from a woman who is working on a scrapbook for her little nephew, Adam. She asks " I was wondering what I could do to tell his story with out being drab. He only lived 3 hours so I'm having trouble putting what I want to say into words that would honor is short life."

Any ideas for her?

My first thoughts are to document stories such as the emotions in finding out they were pregnant, how the family was told, and the love and caring expressed. Also using quotes and poems. Maybe asking others to write letters to include or send photos of Adam's name written.

I'd love to hear your ideas. How have you scrapbooked or journaled your baby's story?

Thanks so much!
peace-
emily

2009-08-09T18:09:00.003-04:00

I'm off to visit my sister. Can I help that she lives in Hawaii? ;0) Wish me luck- I believe there is a hurricane headed that way.

I'll be back August 21. Take care of each other.

Is it just me or does this photo make us look like Siamese twins? lol

Lessons from Grief and Pain

2009-08-07T06:32:00.005-04:00

"My grief and pain are mine. I have earned them. They are part of me. Only in feeling them do I open myself to the lessons they can teach."
-Anne Wildon Schaef

At first the pain was overwhelming. And then there came a time when the pain started to fade. And I MISSED IT. Because it felt to me that forgetting my pain meant I was forgetting my boy.

After a long while, I was able to step back from the initial grief and pain and it instead turned to tenderness towards my boy. And pride that I am chosen to be his mom.

I do think losing Gabriel taught me a lot. Patience. An appreciation for how much my parents love me. An unbefore-seen tender side of my husband. The fact that I'm a lot stronger than I ever suspected.

And mostly, a reminder to just lighten up about all the small stuff. In a flash, I was reminded of what is important. Family. Love. Our Health.

Has your grief and pain taught you any lessons?

BP/USA: Signs from our Babies

2009-08-06T06:21:00.003-04:00

I went to an interesting workshop called "Signs for Grief Relief". I thought it was going to be about how to tell if you are healing; instead it was about how to be sensitive to receiving signs from our children. It was presented by Sara Jessie Ruble, a grieving mom, Danine Florina, who has a background of working in hospice, and Jane Bissler, a clinical counselor.

They stated that our kids are always trying to get our attention- they want to communicate with us and we need to be open to it. They stated that 'seeing is believing, and believing is seeing' and you get to choose if you see signs or not.

To encourage signs, they suggest writing them down (including dreams and impressions), be aware of roadblocks such as grief emotions, and chaos. They stated that other people may doubt, but you need to trust.

What do you think of this? I am not sure where I stand. I'd like to hear your ideas and I'm respectful of both sides- those of us who believe in signs and those of us who don't.

I don't want to think that Gabriel is spending a significant part of his energy trying to get my attention. And yet there have been a time or two when something happens that makes me smile and wonder if my boy is saying "hi".

They are holding a spirituality workshop in Chicago in October- you can get more info here